To acknowledge the desire to seek/cultivate the relationship that naturally flows into romance and friendship.
To remaining Open & Fluid to this despite “heartbreak”.
People are DeadSet on Monogamy. To the point that we cant communicate to a close ‘nother about a potential “hookup”. Why continue the cycle and pattern of hiding the interactions with another person. Why women got to continue to hate another woman who emits the same emotions as you do. Who is just as capable of liking someone as you do. Attraction doesnt end just because you have given someone a title…
What frustrates me at the moment about him is that there is no real planning and execution happening. I see this pattern with his interaction with me. Its off and on. He refuses to call me anything other than a friend. He has no intention on planning his life with me in it. I want to be with someone who wants to include me in their plans. In their travels. In their living arrangements. In their life. If I’m not apart of you like close family and you don’t treat me like I am, then we cannot be friends. Or lovers. I need to feel included. I cant have continue to have sex with someone who excludes me from important parts of their life.
I hate you. This is no longer building. It is stagnation. It is over. We have not shared nor built future dreams together. He refuses to speak into existence an “us”. So there is no
us. No, now there is no us. We are not together. I cannot support him in the way a
close life partner does.
Romantic Partnership is a special union. A revitalizing, soul restoring union. It is a
blessing. And when you find someone who unabashedly supports you in everything
you do you cherish that relationship. You don’t neglect something, a union, so rare and
beautiful as that. Only a fool would throw something away like that. Only a fool takes that type of support and special kind of love for granted. Only a fool.
He is a fool. He is married to his friend and their business. He has no room for me, he
makes no room for me. His attempts to include me feels insincere and only done out
of duty, not out of passion, compassion, and love. If you loved me I would be included
with you every step of the way. You obviously don’t want me. You don’t want any
woman in your life. You only want yourself and your money. You are selfish. I hate
that you spend more time with your friend that me. You don’t even know how to
respect the union of a male and female. You don’t like any of your male friends female
partners. You are sexist and uncomfortable with your sexuality and a woman’s
sexuality. You do not under stand feminine energy and are not comfortable with your
own. You have a problem.
I am to be with the one who has merged their own masculine and feminine energies. I
am to be with the one who wants to grow through life with someone who will always be
by their side. Who speaks these things into existence about each other. I don’t want a
lazy lover. Loving another doesn’t come naturally to him. He cant love me in words. I
remain hypothetical in his mind. I am just an idea. Involvement with me in his life is only analyzed through words. He never visualizes me in his life. He never practices
envisioning me into his future. I don’t exist. I don’t exist in his future and I don’t exist
now. He speaks to me as if I am not there. As if I am not a real person, with feelings,
and a life that I wish to include him in. He is a user at this point. He only uses the
external rewards of knowing another, but does not wish to journey with my soul. He is
only using my material things that are available. He is blind. Incapable of seeing the
magic in this union. Of bonding with another so deeply and manifesting and creating
a new reality together. I would like to be with someone who recognizes the beautiful magic of a united front.
He doesn’t have any positive male figures in his life to look up to about being in a
union. He wont even look within himself to find the wisdom in how to properly
navigate this. He neglects this part of his life and is missing out on true love. On a
human being who has been sent to him that truly loves him. None of this matters to
him. Only his hustle. Black men are cursed. Who will break the cycle, break the
curse? Who has the courage and strength within him to love unabashedly and let the whole world know?
I need a big love, a passionate love, and emotional love. Not a rational one. He is to
rational and rigid and doesn’t know how to emote love to a woman. How he can tell
me stories of highly valuing his male friend but he cant express the same to me.
You wear that arm band like a wedding ring/band you never take it off. You express
your loyalty to a male more than you do to a woman who emotionally cares for you
like no other. Your priorities are fucked! Because who is going to be their for you like
a close relationship that this woman can, when this man has his own family. Who are
you? What is wrong with you? You’d rather be with this man than me at the end of the
day. He doesn’t even care about you in the way that I do. He calls you ugly, stupid, and
a fool. He is verbally abusive to you! You are a fool. And it had gone to your head. You
cursed yourself. Your priorities are fucked up. You do not know how to love a woman.
You are childish.You cannot properly express loving devotion to a woman. You are
neglectful of me. You deprive me and withhold your love from me. You are cruel. And
I deserve a deeper, more fulfilling love. One with power and devotion. I deserve for
that to become manifest. I speak it into existence and I nurture it. I am focused on love. Both giving love and being loved in return. Balance.
A weak one will revert back to his hoe(old) ways. Quantity over quality. Always
seeking numerous opinions of others but never valuing his own. Always seeking
numerous attention from others but never valuing the attention that one woman who
loves him dearly gives. He doesn’t appreciate this. He is stupid. He is a fool. Not even
a fool in love, but a fool who avoids it.
I deserve love and I get it abundantly.
He’s a fool, the company he keeps. He has no one who speaks positive things over
his life. He doesn’t even do the same for his own. He doesn’t have any male influences
that will tell him what a great thing this is we have together, with each other. He
doesn’t have any positive female friends who can reinforce the goodness of this
without an agenda and bias opinion. Because of outside forces and unwillingness to
do the work both individually and jointly we are destroyed because of outside forces.
These obstacles should be overcome but he is blind to them.
I am telling him to look ahead, he ignores me, he is distracted, he crashes us, we die. If only he had listened to me, heeded to my instruction and wise counsel. I am an oracle. And the gawds had blessed him with his own wise woman, but he took it for granted.
Now who will I oracle for. Who will be still enough to listen to my wise counsel, to my
siren song. Who will respect me and always cherish me and see me as a blessing? I
am not to be feared, I am to be embraced. Who will love me? Who will love me this
way? Who will love me and never let me go? Who will value me and protect me above
all else? Who has the power? Who has the will power? The Stamina?
If you ever want a strong growing relationship, loyalty and commitment is what
practically fuels it. Its very practical to love me loyally and commitedly. You(he)
overthink things. Love isn’t to be overthought, it is to be felt and lived. When someone
tells you that they love you, you don’t go look up the definition of love in the dictionary
at 27 yrs old. You are 27 years old! You don’t know what love is by now! You tell them
you love them back. But obviously you don’t know how to love. How to love another.
Your issues have nothing to do with me, but they are preventing you from loving me.
The company he keeps is not good. He doesn’t have any good influences in his life.
He would rather still talk of stealing than actually respectfully working toward something, despite his ability to do so. He sees all the ignorant negros that he surrounds himself with and he is weak and follows after the environment in which he is in despite him knowing better and truly doing better. He keeps hoes around him. Hoes who are disrespectful. He tries to be everyone’s friend and everyone isn’t worthy of friendship. He is a facebook whore. A social media dating app whore. He is obsessed with others opinions and adoration of him. He is too concerned with what other people are doing in their lives to the point where he cant even live and enjoy his own. I don’t like this. Cant say I don’t like him. I just hate his behavior. And I have to say it he allows other people to influence too many of his decisions. He can not find it within himself to reach a wise decision of his own. In his own personal life.
The fact that he wont claim me or name me is something that I just cant get over.
I am hidden in his life. I am a jewel, I am nothing to hide. He should be proud to have
me. He has never expressed love for me. He will not do this verbally. I never wanted to be hard on him. He is not a bad person. He is just a human being who is incapable of the verbal and emotional reciprocation of love. With him I have only experienced comfort. But not adoration, passionate love. There is no energy that will allow his mind to be with me. His mind to compel the words out of his mouth. It doesn’t exist. It has not happened. I will NOT wait for him to decide, finally decide he loves me in the way that I love him. Deeply and ready to move forward with our lives with one another by each others side. Like words of a fairy tale this is not reality. Only the misery of never having his company consistently. He will not be there for me. He is not here for me right now. He will not speak of truly being there for me. He refuses to see, to speak a future with me. He is inconsistent and still doesn’t know what he wants from a woman besides sex. He doesn’t even want that now, nor romance, never romantic. Why are you even here. Why did we ever meet? What made me think this could work? Why wont it work? Why was I sent someone who wasnt ready for me? Why do my desires have to run so deep? Why couldn’t I just want friendship? Why was I so sexually attracted to him and now that dies. I am a multidimensional being with multiple needs. Needs, wants, desires, are no longer being met through him despite me verbalizing them to him and the universe. I feel like a fool the “patiently” wait for him. I feel like a fool because we are not even together. He has never verbalized this. He wont speak an oath to me. He wont devote his lifetime to me. I am only part time to him. I don’t want a part-time lover. I want a full-time partner. Someone who doesn’t want to go on without me in their life as a close friend. A friendship so close that we constantly touch and kiss each others souls. Me and him seem to have done this, but even this wont keep this particular person. So he
is a fool. To let a magical union like this go. It feels like a curse. What human would
throw this away? Allow me to get away? So many humans have done this to me.
Nothing is sacred or cherished anymore.
I don’t want him to be apart of my life if I cant have his love and devotion. I don’t want
to spend anymore days pondering his location and if he wants me or not. This is no
way to live. A relationship is everything to me! I take it more seriously than most. I am
able to give my all, just as much attention in this than I can for material life
attainments. I get joy out of being with another human being, interacting
harmoniously with them. If I cant I rather have no one at all than to live in pain with another who doesn’t truly like me or care for me.